Her Own Person

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Once upon a time, when I had decided I did not want to become a mother and I would tell close friends and family about this decision I would get a whole range of responses back. I remember one friend saying to me “But what about when you are older, who will visit you and look after you?”

Now this wasn’t this worst comment I heard during this period (I’ll save some of the best ones for another post!) but it was probably the one that made me the most angry. Is this truly why people had children – to care for and simper over them in their old age?? To be by their side no matter what – to comfort, protect and entertain them? To live their lives for their parents??And yet I was the one being called selfish for deciding not to have a child – go figure!!

Don’t get me wrong – I truly hope that my Sweet Pea decides she does want to hang around with me for at least some of the time when I am old and fragile (even older and more fragile than I am now!) but that’s not why I gave birth to her.

I gave birth to my little girl knowing full well that she is mine to raise and nurture, to comfort and protect, to guide and assist – into being her own person. A person who has the right to make decisions for and about her life without worrying if those decisions align with what I would want – or need.

And that knowledge kills me.

That one day this little person, who I adore and love beyond belief, might want to fly away and experience a different world, a different life. Away from me.

But that’s being a mum.

This week Sweet Pea brought home a mothers day gift for me that she had made at day care. It’s a tiny little hand print of hers with a poem attached which reads:

Someday I will be big, and gone upon my way,

But here is my little handprint, to remind you of this day.

And that “someday” feels really close. I look at her now and see the little girl she is becoming, and I know that I will blink my eyes one day and see a young woman – deciding her own choices, thinking her own thoughts, making her own way.

And it will break my heart.

But it will also be the greatest day of my parenting life.

8 Comments

8 Comments on Her Own Person

    • Karen
      May 27, 2015 at 4:05 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks Amy! It’s taken me a while to get the hang of this mum thing but I think I am picking some things up now!

      Reply
  1. Courtney
    May 8, 2015 at 11:34 pm (2 years ago)

    Ah, mother’s day – no sense in avoiding it and it really pulls at the heartstrings, doesn’t it? I completely agree with you – my job is to guide Evangeline to the person she is destined to be – someone wholly different than I am. Right now she claims to want to live with me forever, but we all know how quickly that will change. Her leaving will kill me – and bring me the greatest joy of my life.

    Reply
    • Karen
      May 27, 2015 at 4:05 pm (2 years ago)

      Absolutely Courtney – the joy and the heartache seem forever entwined in this parenting gig don’t they??

      Reply
  2. Katherine - The Beauty Of Life
    May 11, 2015 at 1:15 pm (2 years ago)

    Oh Karen, while I can’t personally understand, you definitely have explained things beautifully. My best friend just had a baby (first of all my friends) and it seems like a constantly bittersweet experience but in the most wonderful of ways. Thanks, I feel as though I understand what she’s going through a little bit more now.

    Reply
    • Karen
      May 27, 2015 at 4:06 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks for commenting Katherine. I often find it is my friends without kids who help to provide the most sanity and perspective in my life!

      Reply
  3. Tamara
    May 11, 2015 at 8:59 pm (2 years ago)

    Beautiful post – so much so that this bystanding to parenting is moved to tears. You are awesome in how you do that Mum thing. And, by they way, that little sweet pea, is just gorgeous! That smile is divine.

    Reply
    • Karen
      May 27, 2015 at 4:07 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks T – couldn’t be doing as well as I do without your love and friendship. xxx

      And yes, the smile is a bit divine!

      Reply

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