November 2014 archive

Just a day

Oct 2014 043

My mantra these days seems to be “I’m tired”. When ever anyone asks how I’m going I reply, “I’m tired”. When I think about planning new jobs, completing current jobs or playing catch up with past jobs I say to myself, “I’m tired”. When Sweet Pea asks me to play or read or jump or sing I push myself but inside I’m saying “I’m tired”. I even went to my doctor and told her the mantra. She ordered blood tests. They came back perfect. So apparently I’m not medically tired! But that doesn’t stop this seemingly never ending lack of energy, motivation or spark. It’s hard to be tired when you’re a working woman with a toddler! Yesterday was the one full day of the week I had to spend with Sweet Pea. In amongst the tiredness was also a huge dose of mother guilt – I really feel like I haven’t been spending enough time with her – and when I am with her my mind seems to be somewhere else thinking of the gazillion things I need to be doing/should be doing. Yesterday all I wanted to do was stay in bed with my book and a cup of tea (you know those days??) but I knew I couldn’t. So, I dragged my butt out of bed (and I mean dragged!) and made myself have a shower, get ready and walk to the lake with my girl. And she loved it. And I loved it. And I actually felt like there was some energy there beneath all the other crap that piles on top of me on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. It turns out all I needed was a day.

Oct 2014 052 Oct 2014 054 Oct 2014 050 Oct 2014 044

 

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