It’s Only Change

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They say that change is one of the few constants we can count on in life. Along with death and taxes change will ride along with us – sometimes taking place in a calm and orderly fashion, and at other times biting us on the arse from out of nowhere.

I would like to say that I’m a “go with the flow” kinda gal – that change doesn’t phase me in the least and that I can handle whatever life and its associated bit and bobs can throw at me.

I would like to say that.

But that would be a bit of a lie.

Ok – a rather huge lie!

I do not cope all that well with change in my personal life (just ask those who know me best!). I LOVE order and structure and routine and knowing what is coming up next – I’m a bit like a three year old looking for their 11.30am vegemite sandwich and cup of milk that way. If it comes to 11.30 and that sanga isn’t on a plate in front of me cut into neat little triangles with the crusts off my shit just might hit the fan!!

But, despite this seemingly innate need for consistency and order, change is coming at me like a freight train at the moment. Storming down on me, and those I care about, whether I like it or not. Whether I accept it, or not.

Some of these changes have been prompted by me – with some fear, anxiety and trepidation but nevertheless initiated by me and with the small degree of power and control that goes along with that choice.  Other changes have not been invited in – they have forced the door themselves and they are now firmly within my house – an unwelcome and detested guest.

The card in the photo above is from a box of things I used when I was working as a grief counsellor. I would encourage some of my clients who may have felt stuck or unsure of what they would like to talk about to choose a card – something that prompted a thought, an idea, a person. Something that helped them to talk – if that was what they wanted to do. I found the cards in a recent clean up and this one jumped out at me. I’m not sure that I fully believe its message, I’ve been a social worker, and a person for that matter, long enough to know that some changes can be dangerous. Some changes can bring about fear, insecurity, uncertainty. Some changes can be unwanted. Some changes can test us.

I believe in the ethos that change is a constant – we can’t always escape it, and nor would we always want to. But, asked for or not we do have a choice about how we respond to change. IN the end that is really the only thing most of us have any control over.

And so, in that spirit, I am going to try and face the changes in my life with confidence and as much positivity as I can muster. The fear will be there too but I will try not to let it be in the driver’s seat. And if all else fails I will make sure that vegemite sandwich is ready on the dot at 11.30…

 

How about you? Do you look forward to changes in your life or dread them??

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Keep Breathing

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It’s been a while, a long while, since I’ve been in this space. I’m not sure that it has been a deliberate absence– there have been many times when I have wanted to be here but the thought and desire hasn’t actually converted into action. This place is my rest and my relief – it’s not meant to be an effort to land here and stay a while.

Other things in my life have felt overloaded with effort. Heavy and tough. At the end of a seemingly endless day mindless TV, chocolate and tea beckon – not more thinking and processing.

But I’m here now. Why now? Who the hell knows but it feels like it is definitely time to reconnect and “write it out”!

The world has kept turning while A Wondering Life has been resting, sometimes in unexpected and ugly, violent ways. In my life, and in the bigger picture, things are taking place that I have no control over, no say in which way they will go, the ultimate outcome beyond me. Powerlessness overtakes me at times, fear and sadness interspersed with moments of utter joy and pride as my Sweet Pea grows and asserts herself as a force to be reckoned with.

And with all of this I keep breathing. Gratefully, hopefully – breathing.  Ingrid Michaelson sings it beautifully if, like me, you need this mantra in your life right now…

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